


My first round of Buddie meta

by matan4il



Series: Buddie meta [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 14,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23786836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: I was strongly encouraged to post my Buddie meta here (especially byToughPaperRound, thank you for being the biggest fandom content supporter ever). I'll add here the proper meta posts, not the replies to asks I get, so if you're interested in those, you can find them onmy Tumblr.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie meta [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713691
Comments: 159
Kudos: 170





	1. My Buddie shipper statement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1200251415236620288) on Nov 29th, 2019.

Because I'm old enough to remember a time when there was absolutely no queer representation on TV and if you thought two guys might be better suited for each other than to any of the random female love interests thrown their way, you were a moron hoping for the impossible, because of that at some point I should kick my own ass and write a longer, more in depth blog post about why watching Buck and Eddie on 911 is taking me back and is making me think about what it would mean if those two become a canon couple. Beyond the fact that it would be amazing to have a same-sex couple portrayed by two such honestly talented guys like Oliver Stark and Ryan Guzman, who have awesome chemistry going on, I'd wanna point out what it would mean to have masculine guys, implicitly presented as straight, challenge the heteronormative conventions. It'd remind everyone that yeah, someone like that CAN find himself attracted to another guy and that bisexuality is real and deserves representation, too. Wherever the audience assumes certain characters simply CANNOT fall in love with another person of the same sex, that's exactly where there is still blindness that needs to be addressed and a kind of glass ceiling in queer representation that needs to be broken. I hope the show is brave and willing enough to do it. If it does, the media may not go crazy with how meaningful that step is, but we, the viewers; we, the queer audience; we, the older public with a longer memory; we, the younger generations growing up into a better, more accepting world - we'll know. It would mean everything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [TaxingNinja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxingninja/pseuds/taxingninja) for these gifs! Text follows the gifset.
> 
> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1210187809904041984) on Dec 26th, 2019. Gifset originally posted on [Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/190964825446/taxingninja-meta-thoughts-on-buddie-132-a).

In ep 107, Buck is treating this guy, who is in a same-sex male relationship and there is DEFINITELY something going on. Some people have said Buck was flirting with the guy, which is a very legitimate way to read this scene, but even if you don’t wanna understand it that way, the scene is still very telling. Buck talks to this guy and immediately they have something in common that they can share and connect through: an appreciation and dedication to the male physique, to the male form. Notice how Bobby in contrast has no need or appreciation for this conversation, even though supposedly he also has to work out as a firefighter and invest in his male physique. But it just doesn’t interest him. Unlike Bobby, Buck can intuitively bond with this guy over a real enthusiasm for the male body, so even if you don’t wanna acknowledge the flirting, you gotta see that there is something there that’s at least suggestive of Buck being less than 100% straight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [TaxingNinja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxingninja/pseuds/taxingninja) for these gifs! Text follows the gifset.
> 
> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1210623901186871301) on Dec 27th, 2019. Gifset originally posted on [Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/610940778105241600/taxingninja-meta-thoughts-on-buddie-2-432-a).

In the very first ep where Eddie joins the team, the whole world and their sister has already commented on how it is in fact Buck’s POV we’re watching Eddie’s introduction through. It’s his POV that takes Eddie in _s l o w l y_ and causes ‘What a Man’ to play in the background. Hen’s comment lets us know Eddie’s appeal crosses sexual identity boundaries and suggests that what she’s saying would be true for the straight men around her as well, most obviously Buck, who’s clearly affected by Eddie from the get go (after all, he’s so affected that he’s the only one of the people who don’t know Eddie already to NOT comment on how fine the new guy is. In this sense, the way the writers are constructing this is to use the other characters and make them speak FOR Buck). The episode starts there and with tension and a certain amount of hostility, but leads us to Buck looking at Eddie like the guy not only hung the moon, but created the moon with his bare hands and that moon is the most extraordinary thing Buck had ever seen in his life. This is the defining introduction not just for Eddie, but for his relationship and dynamic with Buck and it is a classic romantic trope, no one can erase that no matter what.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [TaxingNinja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxingninja/pseuds/taxingninja) for these gifs! Text follows the gifset.
> 
> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1210985510539288580) on Dec 28th, 2019. Gifset originally posted on [Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/610940778105241600/taxingninja-meta-thoughts-on-buddie-2-432-a).

What I wanna add is that in ep 201, we also get Eddie and Buck, unprompted by any pressure, promising each other that they will have each other’s backs. We’re going to see them deliver on this promise, again and again, throughout the show. In comparison, the first episode during which Shannon shows up, she tells Eddie what she was missing in their marriage was him, that he didn’t have her back. She uses those EXACT words. Kill me dead, the show tells us Buck and Eddie intuitively and willingly, from practically the beginning, give each what Eddie and Shannon failed to give each other despite having been married (because based on what we know up to ep 310, she also didn’t have Eddie’s back when he needed her). Let me repeat that, because it’s so important: Buck and Eddie’s connection and devotion to each other is, from the start, stronger and more unfailing than that of a married couple’s.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [TaxingNinja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxingninja/pseuds/taxingninja) for these gifs! Text follows the gifset.
> 
> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1211349519402782722) on Dec 29th, 2019. Gifset originally posted on [Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/610940778105241600/taxingninja-meta-thoughts-on-buddie-2-432-a).

Oh, and one more thought about ep 201. Normally the enemies to friends (to lovers?) trope starts with one of the two enemies being an asshole. It’s a misunderstanding or circumstantial or something the character will grow out of, but that’s the cause for the initial animosity. Not so in Buck and Eddie’s case. No, Buck’s issue from the get go is that Eddie is great. He looks good, he’s muscular and built like a Roman God, he’s awesome at his job, he’s a fucking war hero, he’s even nice enough that he gets along right away with everyone else, which is horrible for Buck, who perceives all of this awesomeness at first as competition. That’s why it’s a threat and a problem, not because Eddie is a douchebag. Then they save a life together, as a team, in an unbelievably dangerous and tense situation. And Eddie makes it clear that he does see that Buck is awesome. And in that moment, Eddie’s own awesomeness is no longer a threat. Buck suddenly realizes this guy doesn’t have to be a rival, he can be a real friend and Eddie’s awesomeness might be something that Buck can bask in. Which is exactly what he does by the end of the ep: when Bobby tells him he’s not Mr. April, Buck isn’t the least bit upset, he’s incredibly happy for Eddie. He just automatically assumes Eddie is so great, he must be the guy Buck lost to and he’s ready to celebrate the choice the calendar people made, congratulating his new friend. My point is, I love that in this instance of a foes to friends story, they see each other as great from what’s pretty much the start. They get all of the sexy tension and very little asshole-ishness and I for one love that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [TaxingNinja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxingninja/pseuds/taxingninja) for these gifs! Text follows the gifset.
> 
> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1211708574583414784) on Dec 30th, 2019. Gifset originally posted on [Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/613214910658248704/taxingninja-meta-thread-on-buddie-532-a).

All of the meaningful people in Buck’s life seem to share a similarity in the sound of their names. Abby and Ali’s similarity is brought up when Buck accidentally calls one by the name of the other in ep 202. Notice though that Eddie, introduced just one episode earlier, also fits into this sound pattern. But Buck never has a problem not getting confused when it comes to Eddie’s name. Sure, he first attempts going for a nickname instead, but he never gets Eddie’s name wrong, because this man had his undivided attention from the get go. Eddie’s name is also similar to Maddie’s, who like Eddie was also introduced in ep 201 and all I’m saying is, normally I wouldn’t have paid the name sounds any mind. But when the show writers call attention to the name sounds of these characters that they have chosen and their connection and significance to Buck by using that little slip of the tongue, it means they’ve given the names and similarity in sound thought, to all of them at the same time (because all of these new characters, Ali, Eddie and Maddie, are introduced over the course of two consecutive eps) and they CHOSE to have Eddie fit into the pattern of names that connects him to all of Buck’s significant people. Add to that, Buck’s name is actually Evan, which is closer in sound to Eddie than his nickname and the writers really have connected all the dots...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1212056840965689345) on Dec 31st, 2019.
> 
> Gifset by the incredible Dee, now posted here and with a link to her blog too on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/633877649611161600/beautiful-gif-set-made-for-the-meta-thread-posted)!

  
  


And while we’re on the subject of ep 202, this is the episode that deepens our understanding of Eddie. We only see him in a professional setting in 201 and get to know practically nothing about his personal life. In comparison, this ep gives us at the beginning a scene of Eddie and Chris which is unmediated, none of the regulars we know and love from season 1 is present to give us this scene through their eyes, unlike Buck being the POV character for Eddie’s scene in 201. This is the real beginning of the audience’s relationship with Eddie’s character and proves you don’t NEED the regulars to establish and develop it (we’ll get even more of this at the beginning of ep 204, so it’s not a one time thing). 

Yet, by the end of ep 203, the scene of Eddie running to and hugging Chris will once again be transferred to us through Buck’s eyes. That’s a deliberate choice. We didn’t need him there for us to see the father and son reunion, the show chose to place him there. It wanted us to see Buck witnessing this and to know it’s meaningful. And it’s also a reminder that while Eddie is a reserved guy who keeps a lot of personal stuff to himself, he doesn’t talk about things, he doesn’t share, even when he’s struggling (like when he’s trying to catch Chris on the phone and worries over getting no answer at the start of this ep), Buck sees him. Buck WANTS to see him. He asks questions about Eddie’s actions when no one else does, his eyes intently trained on him. And even though Eddie’s not that kind of guy (you can see a second of hesitation on his part when Buck wants to know who he’s looking for), he still answers. He shares a part of himself. Buck gets under his skin and makes him open up. 

Buck’s relentless caring during the ep is also reflected as they’re taking a huge risk in volunteering to go up to one of the top floors, yet as they enter the angled building, Buck isn’t talking about the task at hand and instead keeps reassuring Eddie that Chris is safe. Buck’s first action upon seeing they have phone reception again? To let the worried Eddie know he can now contact Chris. Holy hell, Eddie never stood a chance. 

And if you think about it, it’s not an obvious choice that Eddie would let Buck take him to Chris’ school. He could have taken a taxi or an uber. He knew he’d be emotional at seeing his son, yet he allowed Buck to be there and to witness that. And Buck’s waiting in the car to take him and Chris home. Eddie could have also accepted a ride there, but insisted Buck had to leave once they get there and that he’d find another way to get home. But he didn’t. He accepted Buck’s presence at this very emotional, vulnerable moment and to let him meet Chris as Buck takes them home. I’m sorry, but this is legen(say it with me)dary.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1212418512129540104) on Jan 1st, 2020.
> 
> Gif made by the talented Dee, posted here and with a link to her blog on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/633968273572102144/thank-you-so-much-to-the-talented-and-lovely).

  
  


Can I also point out Buck and his “I love kids!” statement? I have so many friends, work colleagues, acquaintances who at one point or another have drawn out their cell phone to show me pictures of their kids or grandkids and got a reaction on how adorable said kids are. I never felt the need to clarify that I adore kids, I’m pretty sure my tone of voice and sincere enthusiasm convey that and if they don’t, is it really that much of an issue? Your colleagues don’t have to be into kids for you to get along with them. You know when I might have exclaimed something like that? If I had a crush on a colleague who had a kid and I’d want them to know I’m totally dating material for them and in no way put off by the fact they’re a parent. When Buck excitedly shouts at Eddie, “I love kids!” he’s totally exclaiming “date me!” and I can’t be convinced otherwise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1212793433972191237) on Jan 2nd, 2020.
> 
> Gifset by the lovely Dee, now posted here and on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/634600533512093696/thank-you-so-much-to-the-talented-and-lovely).

  
  
  
  
  


The whole scene with the drunk, horny girls in ep 204 is amazing. I love the levels of indifference and annoyance from both guys, who - let’s not forget - are young, virile men at their prime and both, as far as we know, had not had sex in a very long while prior to this, yet these gorgeous, insistently suggestive young women aren’t even a temptation for them, they’re a nuisance. Especially for self-diagnosed sex addict Buck, who we know has slept with flirty women he met on calls, there should have been at least a little bit of a struggle there. Not only there is none, but the whole thing only serves to draw Buck’s attention to Eddie and what’s up with Eddie and why does Eddie not date anyone. It’s. Wow. The intensity of his focus on Eddie is something else.

And that’s also when we get the shoulder bumping (a thing Buck does when HE is flirting with people, as he points out to Chim in ep 208) when they don’t have to walk that close together (they have plenty of space around them, they’re choosing this. Especially since Buck is taking off his shoulder straps, it makes little heterosexual sense that they’d be walking that closely together) while talking about intimate stuff. Buck’s focus doesn’t let up, not even when Eddie steps away from him to take a personal phone call. 

That leads to yet another vulnerable moment which Buck doesn’t HAVE to be there for, at the hospital, when they rush there because Eddie’s Abuela has been hurt, and he gets to meet Aunt Pepa. Eddie could have gotten there on his own or Buck could have dropped him off or waited in the cafeteria, but nope. Buck’s there, every step of the way. Eddie lets him be there, no matter how painful the situation may be at the hospital. And let’s not forget, this is all while Buck has his own issues to work out, as Eddie points out to him, what with the fact that he still hasn’t *officially* let Abby go. Everything is geared here towards a greater mutual understanding between the two of them within the context of their love life. Seriously. But more than that, it leads to Buck being the person who gives Eddie what he needs. When no one else (not even Eddie’s own family) can do it, Buck’s isn’t just there for him, he has the solution for him and gives him exactly what he’s in need of. Which turns out to be Carla, in a very tongue-in-cheek scene where Eddie worries Buck is trying to set him up. That in a sense emphasizes how the resolution with Carla isn’t, “yay, now Eddie can date again!” Nope, it’s more to do with Chris’ well-being, Buck’s help, Eddie’s gratefulness, the recognition between them over this in their exchanged, wordless looks (for the second time in this ep, the first being when Eddie discovers Bobby’s not mad with Eddie because Buck had his back and took care of things for him… I have to point out that the gaze I was expecting from Buck in return to Eddie’s when Bobby points this out would have been a light, smiley, happy-to-help-you-buddy look, and instead what I got was less smiley, more intense and dare I say even sultry. This shit is unreal). The growing bond between them, Buck getting to know Eddie better and better, Eddie learning just how much he has Buck in his corner and what an immense help and relief that is, Buck finding out through being there for Eddie (in addition to Maddie moving out) that he actually does think he should probably let go of Abby, that’s the emotionally poignant resolution in this ep. And doesn’t that just say everything?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1213150719450238976) on Jan 3rd, 2020.
> 
> Gifset by the lovely Dee, now posted here and with a link to her blog on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/636231304789229568/thank-you-so-much-to-the-talented-and-lovely).

  
  


I’m not even going to comment on the moments when Maddie Buckley seems 100% aware that Buck is totally into Eddie (though the one where Buck in ep 206 automatically assumed that “he’s so cute!” must refer to Eddie is beyond telling and I kinda wanna talk about it for the rest of my life. Which reminds me, I suspect when Aunt Pepa meets Buck, she can smell something’s going on as well, but at the moment, this speculation isn't solid enough canonically). I’d just point out that on TV, there are scenes where a character is given the role of ‘truth-teller’, someone from the outside, looking in on a situation and giving the characters who are involved in it a dose of truth that they can’t recognize themselves. That’s the role Buck fills for Maddie and Chim when he points out they’re basically dating without the actual dating. That insight from him kills me, because in that sense of course Maddie/Chim mirrors Buddie, Buck and Eddie too seem to be dating without the actual dating (in ep 309 it’s the most obvious it has been so far, but it’s even reflected in Eddie’s expectation as expressed in 305 that Buck would be there for him and for Chris. I have lots of friends whose kids I adore, but none expect me to be there for their kids like a second parent... Eddie has that expectation that’s closer to what you would expect from a partner than from a friend. They’re basically married without actually having consummated the marriage, there, I said it).

This dynamic, where one Buckley sibling serves as the truth-teller for the other, then goes the other way around as well. That means when Maddie tells Buck he’s crushing on Eddie and does it mean he's ready to move, it’s not just a joke or a remark meant to force him to acknowledge that he has to move on from Abby. She’s telling her brother the truth that he can’t see yet. That’s as early as ep 204, before she even meets Eddie! And yeah, just because it’s the truth doesn’t mean the show will act on it, but it’s still presented as the truth by virtue of Maddie's role in the scene. And we also still get a telling glance from her in ep 308, when Chim mentions Eddie to Buck (as a distraction, after it was Buck who had earlier brought up Eddie in the middle of a Hen-related discussion), suggesting that she may not be saying something, but she is still AWARE. Her glance at Buck and Chim comes right before the image segues to Eddie’s fight club scene, so while it’s not definitive her glance is Eddie-related, the construction of this transition at least would suggest that it is.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1213508384420433920) on Jan 4th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr. 
> 
> Quick reminder that this was written and posted months before Eddie Begins (315) aired.

I’m not sure how I feel about Shannon. I didn’t hate her the first time I watched s2, but upon rewatching, I kinda do (or to be more exact: I’m way more ambivalent about her). That’s of course now informed by how I know she acted right before she died, but I also noticed something I didn’t when I first watched her storyline unfold.

She tells Eddie, after they’re almost found out by his abuela and Chris, that they’ve been sleeping together for two months and that she thought this was a family reconciliation right until he hid her that morning from their son. She acts all indignant about it, but what bothered me upon catching this, is that apparently she had no problems sleeping with Eddie, yet not getting to meet her son, for TWO MONTHS? Seems weird for someone who genuinely wanted her son back in her life. And she still claimed she thought it was a reconciliation? How, if she wasn’t actually seeing her son, if she was content with just sleeping with her ex and didn’t insist on seeing Christopher for that long? 

And then, I also can’t ignore the way she was constantly pressuring Eddie - to forgive her, to let Chris see her (she originally said she’d only help get him into that better school after she was allowed to meet him and to hold your son’s education hostage when you weren’t even the one who initiated reaching out to his other parent is not a good look), for Eddie to make a greater commitment to her (and to me it feels like she uses the pregnancy scare for that... it’s the way she introduces that into the conversation. Instead of telling him about it, she starts a conversation about what they mean to Eddie and then specifically after he says that he needs a sign to know whether he sees a future for them together, that’s when she drops the bomb. It feels like she’s trying to use the scare in order to force him into committing further to her. Especially when Eddie had previously suspected her of using sex as a way to get him to let her see Chris and he presumably had a reason to think that, plus the way that when she wants to break things off with Eddie and get a divorce, she doesn’t start with a ‘no’, she begins by announcing she’s not pregnant after all and that tells me that to her it’s clear what pushed Eddie to say he wants this commitment with her is mainly the possibility of another child together)... 

Even if she wanted time to learn how to be someone’s mom, then someone’s wife, like she said, she didn’t have to ask for a divorce, especially not right after she was pressuring Eddie into a greater commitment. The whiplash alone would have been enough to be devastating for most people, even without the already long, pained history between them. She knew how much this would hurt Eddie and she still chose to do that and at that moment. Even if she hadn’t shortly after that died, I don’t see a way that they could have come back as a couple from this. Maybe, big maybe, if she wanted to keep dating casually, but definitely not the moment she said she wanted a divorce. 

I just like her and empathize with her a lot less after rewatching her eps in s2. I think she probably didn’t know what she wanted. At times it looked like it was Eddie, but not necessarily Chris, then during other times it looked like it was Chris, but not necessarily Eddie and so overall, I think she probably didn’t know what she wanted, beyond wanting to see that she can have back what her own previous actions had caused her to lose. I think she wanted to know that she could have Eddie and Chris back and once she did get that from Eddie, once he let her in, made himself and Chris vulnerable to her again, once she got what she needed, what she probably wanted most of all, she then wasn’t interested in actually having that greater commitment. Again, because in the very same episode in which she was pushing Eddie to commit, she ended up telling him she wants a divorce. Which is probably the main reason why, even beyond Buddie, I’m glad she’s gone and she can’t hurt Eddie and Chris any further. 

Add to all of this that I’m sure Eddie’s feelings for her were genuine, but I’m not so sure that he would have let her back in if it weren’t for Chris. It was only when he needed her to get Chris into a better school that he reached out to her, despite being in the same city as her for months. Maybe even for a whole year, if his training was in L.A rather than Texas (I’m not sure we were told explicitly where he underwent his firefighting training, but the way Bobby said in ep 201 that he had *just* finished top of his class makes me suspect it was in L.A). Even after talking to her, he’s very reluctant to let her back into their lives and in ep 207, Carla insists he should because a boy needs his mom (she says this, which is very heteronormative, despite not actually knowing Shannon and whether this woman could be a reliable parent to Chris). 

It all made me feel like when Eddie lets her back into his life, he was mainly motivated by this idea that he might still be able to provide Chris with the heteronormative family model he grew up with if he only put some effort into it (and effort it is, given how it’s still so hard for him to let Shannon meet Chris even after they start sleeping together). He loved her in the past, he still has feelings for her in the present, that’s obvious, but I think the main reason Eddie was willing to let her back in wasn’t love, it was a sense of duty. 

Backing this up is how he never actually wanted, back in the day, to be married. Their marriage was something that he felt forced into by the circumstances of her pregnancy. And when he does try committing to Shannon in ep 217, again after he thinks she’s pregnant, almost the entire proposal revolves around Chris and how great he is, how much Eddie loves being his dad and how this kid deserves everything. 

Another instance that makes me think Eddie would probably not have allowed Shannon back in if it weren’t for their son is how Chris tells Eddie he asked Santa to find his mom in ep 210. That’s also why in that ep, it’s seeing a man of duty, a marine, reunited with a family that’s the picture of that heteronormative model, that’s what causes Eddie to let Shannon see her son again. He looks at that family and tears up, he wants to be that man, he wants to give his son that family, he wants to be there for Chris despite all obstacles just like that marine managed to make it to his daughter’s recital no matter what got in his way. 

But there’s a possible clue that Eddie’s desire to fix things is misguided, because Shannon isn’t like this marine’s wife and they are not like this family, a hint that she will hurt them again. After Shannon surprises her son for Xmas (arranged by Eddie), she hugs him while Eddie watches from the side. They’re not quite the marine’s family that was spread out in the theater and in 2 seconds they all found themselves in one big hug. But Chris happily says he knew Santa could do it and a visibly moved Eddie steps in and hugs Shannon from behind while she’s holding her son in her arms. Even when it seems like everything has been resolved, when they seem almost like that marine’s family, there’s a difference. That man’s wife and daughter were in his embrace, facing him. Eddie’s trying to hold on to this family idea, but Shannon’s back is still turned to him. He thinks he can be like that man, like the marine who made every effort for his family to be together. Eddie believes that he can have this family, that he thinks he owes his son, but he’ll discover that he doesn’t have it. 

But by ep 310, Eddie will be that man and he’ll have given Chris that kind of family, not based on duty, but on love, trust, forgiveness and never giving up, even though he may not realize it at the time (because it’s a family that doesn’t look like what he used to think a family does), the family he’s built with Buck.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1213890691438391297) on Jan 5th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset by the incredibly talented Ivana, as posted and credited on [Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/637681105593663488/the-amazing-gif-set-made-for-this-meta-posted-on).

  
  
  
  
  


One of the ways in which slow burn romances are built is by making sure that the two people who have this great chemistry and potential to be a devoted couple, these two people the audience senses are destined to be together, end up having the worst timing, so they aren’t ever at the same place emotionally... until they finally are. For example, when one of the pair is ready to move on from something that was previously holding them back from having this relationship, that’s precisely when the other, unaware of how things have changed, gets a new love interest. So I find it very curious indeed that the ep (207) in which Buck is finally able to officially let go of Abby and move out of her apartment is exactly the one where Shannon is brought back into Eddie’s life. If Buddie’s story reads like a long, slow burn, it’s because in so many ways, it’s built that way.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1214212092867305472) on Jan 6th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

The whole ep meant to show us Buck dating after Abby (208) is interesting. We see him trying to be single, but without being a man-ho. He’s changed, but he’s not sure he has. To me, when watching season 1, I thought it wasn’t so much that Abby changed Buck, but rather that he wanted to change and, even more than that (due to being fired by Bobby for breaking almost every boundary while chasing his sexual gratification), he needed to change and Abby happened to be there as the person who could help him with that. I’m not sure Buck realized how much this change came from him, which is why he’s so scared he’ll revert to his old ways.

Taylor, who was first introduced in ep 206, is back and everything about both of her episodes suggests she’s the wrong girl for Buck. She isn’t kind and caring, where he is all heart, is what we already knew about her and in this ep, we also discover she has no problems sexually pursuing Buck, while not wanting anything serious with him. She’s here to show him what he used to be like and by the end of the ep, he will internalize that message and have an even deeper understanding of why he shouldn’t go back to what he used to be like (even if mainly unintentionally). If before Abby, Buck needed to change so sex wouldn’t control his life and possibly destroy it by risking his job, now he also knows that he had to change in order to stop inadvertently hurting others. 

One of the interesting things to me about this ep is that we never see Buck discussing any of this with Eddie. He talks to Bobby, Maddie, even to Chim, but not to Eddie, even though that’s his best friend. It’s almost like it’s too uncomfortable for him to talk about these things to the guy he should be able to talk to about them, his best friend. 

Then in this very same episode, Buck will witness what will make him exclaim “that’s love” and it will be specifically related to a male same-sex couple. It could have been an opposite sex couple, it could have been lesbians, but nope, a m/m couple it was. And as we got to know them, it felt like the show was telling us this couple is meaningful. When their introductory scene starts playing out, they seem like just another couple whose eventual call we know the 118 team will get, but then the scene shifts into something no other pre-call scene had. We get this couple’s past. We go with them on their journey. We get to know their story and their love not only in the here and now, but throughout their life together. It’s such a stunning piece, the montage they get. And all of it is related to Buck, because he’s the guy (out of everyone who’s there) who bonds with one of the men after the team is unable to help the other. He’s the one who feels the loss when the surviving man dies of a broken heart. He’s the person who looked at their pictures and then sees both men’s hands still holding on to each other even after death (“all we ever wanted was to go together,” they got their wish, one final time) and understands the meaning of love. 

And who’s the first person Buck calls out to when the man (that he was talking to about this great love and how you don’t find it, you make it) suddenly isn’t responding? It’s Eddie’s name that he shouts first, before even that of his captain (Bobby) or that of the most experienced paramedic on the scene (Chim). And who’ll lay his hand on Buck’s shoulder naturally and immediately, to comfort him for this loss? Again, it’s Eddie. 

After all of this, the show will let us know Buck will continue to choose to be his 2.0 version even when he states that that sucks. And it will do that by letting us know he’s gone on a date with Ali, who’s presented as a counter to Taylor. She isn’t after Buck for only one thing, there is a potential with her for something serious. Only this isn’t his initiative, it’s hers. His response to seeing true love wasn’t to think of Ali and call her up. He simply accepted when she reached out to him, willing to give it a chance. The show will then invest nothing in showing us their relationship right until the episode where they’ll break up, other than a fleeting comment from Maddie in ep 211 that this new girl, just like the last woman Buck had dated, is more absent than present during their relationship (she also pointed this out regarding Abby to Athena in ep 205). 

Essentially, it’s clear that Ali is mainly present at the end of this ep to give a temporary sense of conclusion to Buck’s dating insights rather than because they are meant to be, while there are little subtle hints in the ep that the relationship that will really last, the one that’s right for Buck, that’s truly about love, the one he’s building without even realizing it yet is the “something that good” that he’s daily making, not just finding, with Eddie.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1214589876613582855) on Jan 7th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset made for this by the amazing Ivana, as credited with a link to her blog on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/639764564557332480/i-am-in-so-much-awe-of-captain-flint-not-only).

  
  
  
  
  


Something interesting about ep 210 is how much of the Shannon-related action is stuff that happens with Buck involved. Did he have to be? In ep 207, all the developments related to her happened without any connection to Buck, yet here, he’s involved repeatedly. He happens to be one of two 118 members who overhear Shannon confronting Eddie and mentioning the sex they’re having. More than that, he can’t stop thinking about it, we see Buck talking about this to Chim even when they’re off work and Eddie’s not around to trigger this talk. And he’s not idly mentioning how he’s happy for his friend or commenting on the awkward situation earlier at the station, he’s saying how weird Eddie’s attitude on this is, he’s pointing out that something is off, which shows he's really putting thought into this while Chim’s not a bit interested, making it clear this fascination is unique to Buck.

Now, remember how up until now, the guys didn’t really talk to each other about their current respective romantic partners, even when they did talk to other people about them? Almost like it’s too weird to bring the other guy into this specifically, so they end up talking about this stuff to people who matter less than their best friend does and who know them less, like Eddie talked to Carla in 207... But in this ep, the public drama created by Shannon forces Eddie to confront the topic. And he doesn’t go explaining himself to Chim, it’s Buck that he talks to about this. 

He’s apologetic, he tries to explain why he’d even go there again with Shannon. It’s almost like he’s apologizing that he’s with someone else. Almost. Buck doesn’t react with full sincerity, which is unusual for him. We know he thinks something’s not quite right there, but he doesn’t say that to Eddie. In fact, he gives his friend every out not to speak about this if he doesn’t want to. Yet Eddie does. And once Eddie actually opens up to him, all Buck does it try to be as supportive and understanding as he can be. All of this emotional intimacy is taking place while they’re also more physically intimate than they have to be. Their knees are touching throughout this talk despite the fact that there’s enough space for them to sit fully bodily separated. 

Then the talk turns to Chris and why Eddie felt the need to keep him from seeing Shannon. Eddie opens up about his own guilt and sense of having abandoned his son, and I find it telling that he shares this with Buck, but we never see him doing the same with the woman he may be getting back together with, he never see him explaining these things to her. Meanwhile, the whole scene with the conversation about how much Eddie doesn’t know whether to trust her and let her see her son, it all starts and ends with Buck being there and acting like more of a proud and loving co-parent to Chris and a trusted part of the Diaz family unit than we’ve seen so far (special shoutout to the Elf lady for being the voice of us all. Also, to Buck for not only avoiding going into gay panic at her comment and so continuing to be an icon of non-toxic masculinity, but also seeming kinda happy over what she said, actually freaking skipping away after simply thanking her). The contrast with Shannon in this scene (for example, she’s the one who suggests they take Chris to see Santa, but it’s Buck who Eddie takes with him to do that) is yet another one in a long line that shows how much Eddie already has more with Buck, in terms of closeness and intimacy, than he ever does with anyone else.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1214942193653301248) on Jan 8th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset made for this by the amazing Ivana, as credited with a link to her blog on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/644203829978693632/thank-you-so-much-to-the-superstar-captain-flint).

  
  
  
  


When in ep 213 Buck is in the hospital jail, it’s not Hen or Chim who show up for him, it’s Eddie. And it’s Buck’s ability to talk to him that frames this scene. With everyone else in this ep, Buck is very practical, talks about what needs to be done and (fearfully) what he can expect, but with Eddie, he opens up about what's on his mind and what he feels, through how his guilt is eating away at him. He also doesn’t try to pretend he’s thought any of this through, he’s raw and honest and open to a degree that’s almost scary. And how does Eddie react? He’s not actually criticizing Buck. He could. He’d be right to. Athena certainly spared no words in making it clear that what Buck did was insanely stupid. And Eddie doesn’t pretend with Buck that this is fine, yet he is so soft with him, so unexpectedly understanding and supportive. He totally gets where Buck is coming from and he’s there to be an anchor, to straighten him out when need be (yeah Buck, the laws do apply to you, dude) and to reject his guilt, to back him up and not for a second try to stop him from going after Maddie and Doug. Don’t think about how meaningful these two are to each other, I beg of you. It’s just too much.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1215310490223742976) on Jan 9th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset made for this by the amazing Ivana, as credited with a link to her blog on [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/post/640491247425994752/i-just-love-how-gorgeous-the-gifset-made-for-this).

  
  


Ep 213 with the hospital jail scene is yet another instance of the show displaying how much these two men mean to each other, but it’s not just that. Rewatching it made me contemplate a comparison between Buck in this ep (losing it, doing something stupid and ending up in a jail with Eddie there to offer help and support) and Eddie in ep 305 (losing it, doing something stupid and ending up in jail, but without the possibility of contacting Buck). It makes the disappointment he must have felt over the whole lawsuit even worse. I don’t have even a shred of a doubt that if Buck knew how Eddie was feeling and how much his friend needed Buck, that he would have dropped the lawsuit in a heartbeat, and with it his career, his future and his sense of identity and self-worth, and he would have rushed to Eddie’s side. We, as the viewers, know the sense of betrayal that led Buck to file the lawsuit and that it in no way originates with a lack of caring for the Diaz boys or with pure selfishness, but Eddie doesn’t. I’m just saying, these parallels between them add to me to how Eddie experiences *deeply* his own betrayal when he finds himself in jail and the one guy he thought he could count on and that he could always turn to can’t even be informed. He was always there for Buck and up until that point, that was true the other way around as well. To have that trust (in Eddie’s mind) be broken and especially after Shannon’s betrayal and abandonment was too much for him to be able to handle.

I think this matters precisely because I don’t think Buck betrayed Eddie, that in his way, in filing the lawsuit, he was fighting for a lot of things that were crucial to him, and those also included his work partnership with Eddie, so he never perceived this as a betrayal or breaking their bond and their promise to be there for each other. On the contrary, in order to keep that promise on the job he made to Eddie, that they’d have each other’s backs, he has to fight to get it back, he can’t give up and it’s not like there were a lot of other options open for him to return to it. 

So what I find interesting about this is that Eddie not having Buck there when he was in jail (when the opposite scenario played out so differently), this so far is the lowest moment in their relationship, the most difficult and painful one, yet the show makes sure we know it happens, that a betrayal is experienced, and why it is, even though there was no actual intended betrayal. And this is maybe why it takes these two so long to admit to themselves that they mean more to each other than normal friends do: because their connection is so intense and meaningful, that it can create this sense of betrayal even where one didn’t happen. It leaves these two men, who had both recently experienced abandonment by a romantic partner, so incredibly vulnerable if they open themselves up to being hurt again by the other guy romantically, when even as just friends, the other man’s absence or failure or betrayal can be so painful.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1215678433751158790) on Jan 10th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

It’s a small thing in ep 214, because Buck’s fluttery eyelashes are so damn distracting (seriously, I love those bad babies and the way he flutters them at Eddie specifically), but I can’t help liking the way that when Eddie’s moved by this grieving father’s speech (the one he gives his dead wife, about not being ready to raise their child on his own, without her, but for her, he will) he instinctively lowers his gaze, then right after that glances at Buck. Eddie understands this man and where he’s coming from (also, hi foreshadowing of how Shannon will die? Maybe), then he looks at the person who’s helping him carry on with Chris. A moment later, after the wife’s heart starts beating again, when she seemed dead, Buck’s helping Hen who’s very emotional over this patient she lost and who was somehow resurrected, yet he knows this was significant to Eddie as well, despite his friend’s more subdued reaction. That somehow makes Buck’s happy, reassured and reassuring smile at Eddie, telling him this was a miracle, even sweeter.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1216040439733739520) on Jan 11th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Not to belabor the point that Eddie and Buck are truly battle boyfriends, but I love that they really are exactly that. The precedent is set in ep 201, where Eddie volunteers to handle the live round stuck in this man’s leg and Buck follows him right away, before he even recognizes he likes Eddie and that actually, Buck thinks that he’s awesome. It’s repeated as early as ep 202, when Eddie starts talking to his new best friend about the top floor where there’s a man who’s stuck against the window, so Buck immediately suggests how they can shorten their way there, like it’s just the most obvious thing that they go together. And even down the line they maintain this dynamic, where in ep 214, for example, Buck can’t reach the boy caught inside the burning building using the ladder, Eddie starts climbing the side of the house to get inside and when it becomes clear he can’t get back out without help, Buck doesn’t even hesitate before he’s ready to go in, by trying to make an impossible jump, which if he somehow makes it, in no way guarantees he can get out of there anymore than Eddie can, but it doesn’t matter, he’s following his battlefield boyfriend. And when Eddie is out, of course Buck is the first one to rush over to him. They are ridiculous morons and I love the way that they are so much.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1216413840566517767) on Jan 12th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Ep 217 is so full of scenes between Eddie and Shannon, the final falling apart of their romantic relationship and then her dramatic demise, that this small Buddie moment probably slips through the cracks. When Buck realizes who’s the woman hit in the car accident, his first instinct is to stop Eddie from seeing her. Even though Chim and Hen see her first, it’s Buck who we are shown responding to this first and trying to protect Eddie.

That reminded me of another show I used to watch where the main police partners, a man and a woman, had a strikingly similar moment. The woman finds the body of a teenager that she knew the man cares about like a surrogate daughter. Instead of going about her police work, the woman sprints to try and stop her partner from seeing the body and being flooded with pain. It was THE moment when I knew the show would have to address the question of these two romantically and one of the things that made me feel these two would probably end up being together. And they did shortly after share a kiss that the man initiated (though they didn’t get together following it). And the whole last season was just one huge test for the power of their bond and will it see them through. And the final scene of the entire show was the woman’s love confession for her partner. Buddie’s scene is so similar, I can’t help feeling that if they were a man and a woman instead of two men, no one would doubt that we would see similar themes explored and everyone would be proven right by the show.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1216778231883411460) on Jan 13th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Ep 218 is all about the choices that these first responders make, these big, life altering choices, not just during calls, but also for themselves. Eddie’s parents have flown in from El Paso to ask him to choose another life. They wonder, what is keeping him in L.A? If it was Shannon, she’s gone. And in El Paso he has parents, extended family, good past memories to help him combat the new, painful ones. Why shouldn’t he go back there? But Eddie stubbornly refuses. When he has this talk with his parents, he mentions that it hasn’t been determined yet whether his probation is about to be over, but there is clearly something in L.A that’s keeping him there, that makes him feel moving back would be uprooting Chris, even though Ramon claims they haven’t been there long enough for his grandson to have any roots in this place. Eddie’s facial expression alone says his dad is wrong, and if he is, it’s not just in Chris’ case. Both of them have roots there. Eddie chooses this life, despite all logical arguments against it.

Ali doesn’t. She pops back in for one last appearance (as of ep 310) and it’s clear that she cares about Buck, but this life of being with a firefighter isn’t for her and this is the ep when she realizes that. Bobby will refer to her decision in ep 301 and say she’s not the right person for Buck and that he’ll meet someone else (love his gender-neutral terms there). 

But Eddie does choose this life and all the relationships he’s built in L.A for the past year, most intense among them is of course the one with his new best friend. Ali and him, they both had to watch Buck get seriously hurt in the line of duty, he could have been killed in front of their very eyes as she watches this unfold on her TV screen and Eddie sees it firsthand on the scene, unable to do anything until the bomber is restrained (whatever you do, don’t think about Eddie rushing in to Buck’s side, don’t think of his soothing hands on Buck as he tries to do everything he now can for him, don’t think about how he doesn’t let go even once). Eddie can take this, painful as it is, and continue to choose this life, for Ali it’s too much. 

It doesn’t make her a bad person, obviously, she’s just not the right person to handle this life and the comparison here is just another reminder that unlike her, Eddie IS the right person for Buck. Which is why he’s the only one who, in the middle of everyone else joyously celebrating Bobby’s reinstatement, can’t let go of the fact that Buck isn’t there. 

And this connection of theirs is also why it’s beautiful, though not surprising, to see Buck, even when he’s not supposed to, insisting that Eddie’s ceremony is too important for him to miss. Shannon, when she struggled, repeatedly bailed on Eddie and Chris. Buck, literally on crutches, going through a crisis because he doesn’t know what does his future hold and whether he even has one, makes sure he’ll be there for Eddie (and to meet his parents and to be there for Chris). Don’t forget, he’s now going to be laser-focused for months on getting his leg better so he can go back to his job, which he loves enough to let go of Ali for, the job which matters to him enough to relinquish millions of dollars, that he repeatedly says is all he has, but he’s willing to risk his healing process by possibly further damaging his leg in order to be at this ceremony. Another reminder, that he’s the right person for Eddie, too. That they keep choosing this life and each other.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1217126781494484995) on Jan 14th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

After Buck quits in ep 301 upon hearing the only option that might be left open to him is a desk job and then falls into a bout of self-seclusion and idleness, clearly depressed, Eddie sounds kinda harsh in reaction, saying he’ll get over it. For a second that seems quite unkind and almost like he doesn’t care about Buck, but then it’s made clear where that reaction came from. That this is how Eddie was taught to think by his dad, that this is the standard which was set for him. If you can’t fix it, you gotta stand it (to put it in the immortal words of Brokeback Mountain).

I also think he was just terrified enough at the prospect of Buck dying in both 218 (fire truck) and 301 (pulmonary embolism at the party) that maybe Eddie comes to feel he can’t complain about the situation, even if he doesn’t get Buck to come back to him at work. He sort of reflects that to Buck himself later in ep 301 and also in the message he leaves for him and Chris in ep 303 when he reiterates how glad he is that Buck’s not in the middle of all the tsunami madness. But more than that, despite having sounded harsh, Eddie’s clearly listening to his colleagues during the talk at the fire station. He was carefully listening to Hen questioning what does Buck have outside of work, unlike the rest of the team who have someone outside the station, and to Bobby insisting that he’s got them. You can see in that moment how the plan to bring Chris over and leave him with ‘his Buck’ starts forming in Eddie’s mind, showing that despite what his earlier words might suggest, Eddie does very much care about and is preoccupied with what he can do to help Buck when he’s suffering. 

Not only that, he does manage to help him. Where everyone else is lost and fails to get Buck to go out and get out of his own head and misery, including Maddie, his own sister, it’s Eddie’s idea that does get him out and about. And sure, Buck still experiences a moment of bitterness on the pier, seeing the 136 team at work, so not everything is resolved for him obviously, but he did leave his apartment for the first time since he quit his job and had more fun during this day (before the tsunami hit) than he’s had since the party celebrating his requalification as a firefighter. He gets to talk to Chris and be cheered by his attitude and comforted by this caring and brave little boy. I’m sure even if the tsunami hadn’t happened, this day would have been imperative in Buck’s road to recovery and rebuilding his life. And think of the parallel here. Just like Buck was the one person to come through with a solution for Eddie when this single dad was struggling with taking care of his son in 204, so it is Eddie who’s the one person to figure out how to motivate Buck to get back out there, into the real world. They keep making good on their promise to have each other’s backs, and not just during calls. It’s beautiful to see.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1217503010600951811) on Jan 15th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

A small thing, but in ep 301, when Eddie wakes Buck up in order to try and get him out of his funk, let’s not forget this means he MUST have a key to this apartment. Sure, you can point out Bobby and Hen also had a key to each other’s apartments in s1, but the show clearly sees this as unconventional, so it felt the need to explain this, that this was while they were both working with the 118 so who knows what might have happened to them at any given moment. But in comparison with that, Buck is unemployed when Eddie shows up at his place and lets himself in, he has been for a while, so there’s no need for Eddie to have his key. And yet. And YET.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1217864220076802051) on Jan 16th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

As much as Maddie is Buck’s truth-teller (as discussed in chapter 10 here on AO3), there is one moment when she gets it wrong. In episode 301, Chim and her are having dinner. They’re discussing having kids and while it takes them a moment to remember it, they both agree Buck is the one person they know who doesn’t have children. The very next scene, we see Eddie waking Buck up to get him to take care of Chris for the day, suggesting Maddie and Chim are comically wrong, and that in his own way, even Buck has his own kid. In fact, this is when we get Eddie referring to this day as Chris getting to spend time with *HIS* BUCK. What’s Buck to Chris? It’s undefined by any standard terms at this point, but he is *something* to him, something so important that he’s *HIS Buck*. It’s even more blatant at the end of ep 303, after the tsunami, when Buck seems so lost. Eddie shows up with Chris, again. He drops him off in the exact same manner Athena has probably dropped Harry and May off at Michael’s oh so often, like it’s an obvious thing that Buck’s his partner and a part of raising this kid. It’s the most co-parenting-y non-co-parenting situation I’ve ever seen on TV and it makes my heart grow three sizes.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1218224934947868672) on Jan 17th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Speaking of the tsunami episodes, they own my heart. If I live to be 237 years old, I’ll still not be over so many moments in them, like the way Buck hugs Chris when he finally manages to catch him after the first wave hits. Or how he instinctively protects him from the sight of a floating body, which is such a parental thing to do, I have to admit that I wouldn’t necessarily expect a non-parent in the middle of a life endangering crisis to keep in mind that the kid by their side should be sheltered from this image. Or how honestly he talks to Chris and really listens to what this kid says in return. The way he calls the two of them an awesome team. And then proceeds to so tenderly hug him and this time it’s not a hug for comfort, to calm one of them down, or because they were simply sharing a lovely moment together, it’s one that Buck pours all of his affection and care into simply because he needs to express it. The sense of how much Chris means to Buck (and his dad as well, obviously.

Every bit of love Buck has for Chris is connected to him caring about Eddie, because that’s what made him spend time with this particular kid and allowed him to get to know Chris enough to love him so much) permeates everything about these eps. 

But can I also point out that it goes the other way around as well? That Eddie, even before the tsunami strikes, is on the job, yet thinking of his two boys hanging out, that he already has pictures of them from this day that Buck has sent over, that when the disaster hits and he thinks they’re far away from it and safe, while he has so much to deal with, he still finds the time to call and leave a message in ep 303 saying how glad he is that Buck isn’t there to deal with this mess (he could have just reassured Buck that he himself is ok and asked Buck to convey that message to Chris, but nope, Eddie also added in something specifically about Buck). Just in case you had any doubt that this is such a family kind of sentiment to express, the one other person who says the same thing that Eddie did in that message is Maddie to Chim in ep 302, she states that she’s relieved her brother is not in the middle of that natural disaster. The levels of Buddie’s connectedness kill me. 

And then of course the whole thing, all of the tsunami related scenes, it all climaxes with this moment when Buddie (at first and then Chris too) find themselves once more in the same place. There is no way to underestimate the importance of this connection and how it’s the emotional peak of three episodes 911 has invested so much in. 

Buck won’t give up, no matter how badly hurt he is, he has to keep looking for Chris and when he has to tell Eddie he lost him, it’s only after this boy has been found that he can finally let go and allow himself to collapse and be looked after. And even while he does that, he won’t stop staring at Eddie and Chris, like they’re his whole world. And let’s not forget, it’s in the middle of this that he and Eddie, who’s tightly hugging Chris, have a really intense exchange of looks. It could have been easy to think that on Eddie’s side, this exchange carried anger or upset for the fact that even for a split second, he thought he lost his son (who is his world) forever under Buck’s watch. But we know that it doesn’t, because the show makes sure Eddie knows (and that we be aware that he knows) what Buck really did for Chris. The lady who found and brought him to the V.A hospital makes it clear Chris wasn’t looking for his dad, that when he was in the middle of probably the scariest time of his life, Buck was the person he never stopped trusting and continued to seek out. He knew he’d be safe with him and continued to look for him even after the two of them got separated. If this doesn’t tell you that Buck is basically a second dad to Chris, nothing will. 

And when Eddie and Buck look so intensely at each other? We’re left to guess what they’re thinking of. The body language is almost post-orgasmic on Buck’s side. It’s clearly, at least in part, joy and relief that Chris was found. But it feels like it holds something more than that when his gaze is so intently locked on Eddie’s.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1218570721703727107) on Jan 18th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

So now we have to talk about the tsunami’s aftermath. Buck still seemed lost after it, at (almost) the end of ep 303. By the start of ep 304, he tells Bobby this disaster has taught him he never gives up, so he’s gonna keep on fighting for his job and his family at the 118. What makes the difference between the two scenes? There’s only one thing we see happening between the shots of Buck looking lost (and narrating a dialogue about being lost) and the next ep’s rededication to his cause: that one thing is Eddie showing up with Chris and telling him that there is no one he trusts in the world with his son more than Buck. Excuse you, but this is the shit that epic love stories are made of. I don’t care what anybody says, I don’t make the rules here.

And this is also a part of why I think Buck and Eddie never *directly* failed to have each other’s backs. Sorry if I am repeating myself here, but this is important. Because while Buck was trying to get back his job through the lawsuit despite it forcing him to disconnect temporarily from Eddie and Chris, he was clearly doing it in his mind to get back in full capacity to the people who mean the most to him in the world, including those two. Eddie might not have seen that, because his way of dealing with things is different, but that’s who Buck was fighting to get back to, and Eddie and Chris weren’t just his goal, they were actually the fuel that gave him the strength to fight for what mattered to him the most. He was fighting FOR them and he was fighting THANKS to them. Eddie said it would be Chris who would save Buck now, but it was both of them, Eddie too, through his love for and trust in Buck, even after the tsunami, that had saved Buck from becoming too lost to be able to come back.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1218945406496911364) on Jan 19th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Can we talk about a bit of interesting editing in ep 304? Buck talks to the lawyer and tells him that he has no problem not talking to his teammates for the duration of the lawsuit because he’s alone anyway (which is really about Buck feeling Bobby had betrayed him). The show then cuts to Eddie and Lena in the gym, working out together, Eddie is all tense and working it out by punching a bag while Lena says something along the lines of “keep loving him”. In two seconds, in case you were confused, the scene makes it clear that she’s echoing the words of the child psychologist that was being consulted earlier on about Chris and how Eddie can help his son. But the way the scenes are cut together, when this is the way a lot of times TV (including 9-1-1 of course) melds two scenes together and has one’s subject be the person referred to by pronouns only at the onset of the next, it would suggest at first that Lena is saying the way Eddie can help Buck is to ‘keep loving him’.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1218945406496911364) on Jan 20th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Speaking of episode 304, can we talk about the difference between how Lena is introduced to Buck vs his introduction to Eddie? Because it’s easy to claim Buck was showing regular jealousy of Eddie and nothing more. And sure, there’s an element of that involved (that dissipates very quickly before ep 201 is over) because Eddie is THAT fine. But as the camera transmits to us Buck’s POV, it focuses in on Eddie, it doesn’t keep a distance, it turns to slow motion during a focus on Eddie when he's shirtless, plus the background music changes according to Buck’s perspective and it’s into a song that's sultry rather than angry. There are undertones of lust and an emphasis on the significance of this introduction.

In comparison, when Lena is introduced to Buck, she’s shown briefly, from a bigger distance, without the camera focusing on her (making the distance seem even greater), there is no unique music in the background, she’s seen for one cut alone, without the camera cutting back to her several more times. She does change the scene and Buck IS jealous of her, he is bothered by the sense he gets that she’s replacing him at the 118 (and especially with Eddie, her introduction starts with her calling Eddie to her away from Buck). That does matter. But Lena herself doesn’t. She has no focus on her after she has drawn out Buck’s jealousy by calling Eddie over (there is a fleeting shot of Eddie and her running together to answer the alarm going off, but again there’s no focus on her individually, it’s only her connection to Eddie during her brief shots that matters and it steals some of the focus on her, which makes it clear Buck’s not jealous of her in and of herself, he’s bothered by the idea that he’s losing his unique place by Eddie’s side). 

Lena not mattering that much in herself is also why Buck’s issues with her never get a proper resolution scene between the two of them with growth between the two and a meaningful talk (all we get is her handing him a sledgehammer in the rage room in ep 305, implying they can get along, and Buck asking her where’s Eddie… BTW, that makes Buck the only one we are shown doing so out of the whole team, a parallel to Eddie being the only one pointing out Buck’s absence in ep 218). Just think about how this is all so unlike what Buck and Eddie got, how it mattered that they would get a resolution! But Lena doesn’t matter enough to Buck to get such focus. Again, comparing the two introductions highlights just HOW MUCH Eddie mattered to Buck, in so many different ways, from the very first second he laid his eyes on him.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1219672490970099713) on Jan 21st, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Let’s talk about Lena in regards to Eddie. I know people were worried she was introduced as a love interest for him and there was stuff on the show that could lend itself to that. But I think we were actually shown why Lena is not a good fit for Eddie. In a sense, she’s too similar to him.

Buck and Eddie, while they share a lot of their world view, like their dedication to helping others, their love for their team (Eddie mentions in ep 206 that this was a part of what he found in the 118, that he was missing the camaraderie he had in the army and wanted to be a part of the best firefighting team around), how daring they can be when someone’s life is on the line, sometimes to a degree that’s truly stupid (in ep 214 we see Eddie can be just as rash as Buck when a kid is caught inside a burning building), but they are also different and specifically in ways that can help them both grow. 

Eddie is more level headed than Buck, he has to be when he’s got a kid to take care of, and he can give him that. But Buck can also help Eddie grow, he’s more open and unafraid to be vulnerable when it comes to how he feels. And he’s still a really masculine guy, he’s still someone who’s a damn badass firefighter that has Eddie’s respect, so he can basically help Eddie discover a new form of masculinity, one that isn’t toxic, one that doesn’t force you to bury things that will then eat away at you on the inside, until you find yourself looking for any outlet, including really unhealthy ones, like street fighting. 

And that’s the thing about Lena, is that she herself subscribes to that unhealthy mentality. She may act all horrified when she discovers Eddie has taken his street fighting to the next level, but she was the one who introduced him to this toxic outlet in the first place. Lena isn’t Eddie’s friend, not really, she makes that clear in ep 308, that his interest in her was always too limited for them to qualify as friends. This is part of why, as of now at least, Lena and Eddie don’t have a resolution on screen either for the harsh words that they exchanged after he thinks she informed Bobby about his illegal fights. When he discovers she hadn’t, he says he needs to apologize to her, but we never see it happen on screen. It’s not important enough to show, because there’s a limit to how important Lena herself is to Eddie, too. 

And that’s because she was always the wrong person for Eddie all around. She can’t help him heal his wounds, she can’t challenge him, she can’t help him discover he can be an even better version of himself, not when she shares some of the same exact problematic tendencies as he does. She can’t be all those things for Eddie, but Buck can and is those things to him. I’m certain that when Eddie says he wants better for Chris than the model of toxic masculinity he has grown up with, it’s at least in part because of the example he’s been getting, it’s because of how Buck shows Eddie there’s a better way that one can ‘man up’, a way that doesn’t do it at the expense of being honest, open and vulnerable with one’s emotions, and that Eddie can do it, too. He helps him to channel his frustrations in a healthier way, with the people he cares about (the video game scene during episode 309 for example, be still my heart). Buck inspires Eddie and intuitively can figure out the right way to help him heal.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1220038780561829888) on Jan 22nd, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

Well, ep 305 is just a Buddie fest to me.

Honestly, it does things to me, how when Eddie mentions why he called Lena out of all people to bail him out of jail, there’s his Abuela and the 118, who are not an option, and then there’s Buck, THE option, the guy he would have called, but they can’t speak to each other. And that gets me. Even when Eddie is talking about his family and his family of choice, Buck is still singled out as the one person he would most naturally turn to, no matter what the problem is, no matter how much he doesn’t want people to know about it. 

But lacking in choice, he turns to Lena, because if he can’t have the person who matters the most there, the guy that he trusts his son with more than with the kid’s own family, the one who’ll understand and deal with Eddie’s shit no matter what, then he’ll turn to someone that doesn’t count that much, so it matters the least if they know and whether they would understand. This scene says a lot about how much Buck has come to mean to Eddie, beyond their working relationship (because as we remember, Eddie continued to care about and visit Buck and try to help him even when Buck had announced he’s quitting the LAFD in ep 301), beyond how much Buck has helped Eddie with Chris, beyond just regular friendship (like the kind Eddie has with the other members of the 118). Buck is the one person Eddie fully trusts and distinguishes from every other adult in his life in every possible situation and if that is not marriage goals right there, I don’t know what is. 

But that’s not the only way in which the whole episode is about how much Buck matters to him. Eddie’s rage, when is it that we find out it has simmered to the point that it HAS to burst out and find some sort of an outlet? It didn’t happen when Shannon left and was absent for years, we know that’s when Eddie stepped up to take care of Chris; it wasn’t when she told Eddie she wants a divorce; it wasn’t when she died in a tragic, emotionally devastating way, with him right there; it wasn’t after the tsunami and the huge scare Eddie had when he thought for what was probably the longest minute in his life that his son had died. These all play a role in Eddie’s rage, of course, but the moment that tips him over, when it all becomes too much to handle, is the time when he can’t talk to Buck and he can’t understand why would this man that he’s trusted so completely do that to him and Chris. He’s angrier than he was at Shannon after she had pushed him to commit to her and then announced she wanted a divorce after all, probably because even when he’s willing to re-commit to her, he never did grow to trust her like he had Buck. And of course his reaction to the lawsuit is more extreme than that of anyone else on the team during their little shopping run-in with Buck (including Bobby, who was the man whose decisions launched this lawsuit. Don’t forget, it started out as a matter between Bobby and Buck, yet Eddie’s reaction becomes much more intense and significant than that of the man who’s supposed to be at the center of this). 

It’s just another thing showing us how significant Buck is to Eddie and it’s mirrored in the way we see Buck be the only one, out of the whole team, questioning why Eddie isn’t there for the team building exercise at the end of this ep. A reminder that this meaningfulness goes both ways and I, for one, am never going to be over just how beautiful this is.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1220389854388854785) on Jan 23rd, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

I don’t even know how to break down the parallels between episode 308 where we have Eddie’s confession with Buck’s apologies in 306 and 309. Eddie’s so wrecked with guilt over forgiving Shannon (have you noticed she never explicitly asked for forgiveness, only demanded to know when Eddie would give it anyway?) and letting her back into his and Chris’ life when he knew she’d only hurt them again, feeling like he gave her everything by doing this and it still wasn’t enough, that *he* wasn’t enough.

Take that and compare it to his first real talk with Buck after the lawsuit in 306. Buck’s only been back a day at the 118 and Eddie is clearly still mad as hell with him. But unlike Shannon, Buck actually apologizes, sincerely and profusely. Just like Shannon, he has his reasons for why he ended up (in his case unintentionally) failing Eddie and Chris, but he doesn’t use them as an excuse to wriggle his way out of an actual apology. What gets to me is that once again, he instinctively does exactly what Eddie needs him to do, what Shannon, Eddie’s most significant partner, failed to. 

But then Eddie responds to Buck differently than he did to Shannon, as soon as he’s sure Buck means it, he forgives him. Just like that, without any doubts. We know he doesn’t forgive, yet hesitates to trust again either (as Eddie did with Shannon) since the scenes in 309 imply he and Buck had fallen back into their friendship and a domestic routine of trust and talking to each other pretty quickly after that. 

But then even after having Eddie’s forgiveness, Buck doesn’t stop trying to earn it, to ask for it explicitly once more, because he feels Eddie needs and deserves to know just HOW sorry Buck is that Eddie was hurt, inadvertently as it was. And now let’s compare that to episode 303, where Eddie talks about his own failings as a dad, like he did. He says he’s let Chris down countless times, but he loves him enough to never stop trying to make it up to him and he knows Buck will do the same for Christopher. Ep 309 essentially shows us that’s exactly what Buck is doing with Eddie, too. Because he loves him enough to never stop trying to make it better. And he does make things better for Eddie, like by bringing Xmas to the Diaz family in ep 310 and Chris to Eddie (and himself), since he couldn’t bring either Eddie or him to Chris. So if this is what Buck keeps doing for Eddie, according to what the show has told us through Eddie’s words, it’s because of one main reason. Because Buck loves Eddie that much.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1220759257089478656) on Jan 24th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

I’m looking at ep 309 and holy hell, I can show you in gifs and short clips and scientific equations and diagrams that Buck’s body language and his vocal tone and inflictions are 100% similar to what he does in a scene I remember where there’s a girl he flirts with and that we’re later explicitly shown he not only likes, but proceeds to sleep with (probably more than one girl, I just don’t have the energy to look up more right now). So, Buck flirting with Eddie mode: confirmed.

Also? The natural way in which for Buck, Eddie is his for the saving. It’s not even a question. He should have been there, he should have saved him. Do we see Hen or Chim beating themselves up for not saving Eddie? Nope, despite actually being around while Eddie was street fighting. Buck wasn’t, yet he doesn’t doubt for a second that it falls unto him to save Eddie, to be there for him. That’s yet another example of how they go beyond the realm of regular friendship. 

I’m not even gonna comment on the domesticity, or how it’s Buck that manages to actually make Eddie feel better, or that despite all of the talk about Shannon and how angry Eddie still is at her, it’s when Buck calls out his own part in everything that’s gone wrong that Eddie starts feeling better. You will have to pry how meaningful this is to Buddie from my cold, dead hands.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1221124878478336000) on Jan 25th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

The thing about the season 3 Xmas ep is not that Eddie smiled when he looked over and saw Buck playing so sweetly with Chris (and Denny). I mean, it is in a sense, because wow. That smile totally comes across as proud, happy dad *and husband*. And the entire ep’s family vibe when it comes to Buck, Eddie and Chris is on a whole different level.

But what I mean is that in real life, I’m sure many parents have seen their friends playing with their kids and they smiled at that, because it’s cute. The thing is that this isn’t real life, this is TV, so whatever is shown to us, it is shown because it is MEANINGFUL. For example, Hen must have, at some point, sat down and played with Athena’s kids while their mom looked at them and smiled. But we didn’t get a scene of this, ever, no matter how many times we’ve seen Hen over at Athena’s house. Because they’re not a family unit, they’re not meaningful to each other in THAT way, only in a friends way. 

With Eddie and Buck and Chris, however, they ARE shown that way. So I don’t care if people look at this scene and claim that these are just good friends, in terms of TV land narrative, showing them playing together like that is clearly something more. If the show never delivers on this promise and the narrative that it had itself constructed, that doesn’t mean that Buddie fans had hallucinated this or read into such scenes more than was in them. The very choice to have these scenes presented on our screens in itself makes people feel that they hold a greater meaning for these two guys. 

And this idea, that Buck, Eddie and Chris ARE a family unit, is reinforced throughout the ep, with the way they’re all seated together at the dinner table and are grouped together in the group photo, when the other people grouped together are all clearly identified family units, too. And let’s not talk about the Mistletoe, the unsung hero of the ep, appearing above Buck in the group photo after earlier he took a mistletoe down, kissed Hen, and immediately made his way over to Eddie. 

Speaking of this ep, it may be small and stupid in comparison, but I also couldn’t help noticing the way Buck’s leaning against the fire truck as he talks to Eddie outside Leo’s home, in what is a totally flirtatuous ‘come hither’ pose. They’re completely in the background in this scene and they’re still going to be the death of me.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dumdumbdumber/status/1221838986852827138) on Jan 27th, 2020.
> 
> Gifset to be posted after the end of s3 here and on Tumblr.

The thing is that sometimes, you can have a writer who has a certain idea the show doesn’t necessarily share and that writer subtextually adds it to their texts, or whose writing lends itself to a specific kind of reading, even if they didn’t necessarily mean for it to. Which is why I wanted to check whether the most significant Buddie moments we have gotten were all from the same writer. If they had been, that could have easily explained away the whole thing. There is no intention to make Buddie a couple, there’s also no queerbaiting going on, there’s just a certain writer whose work influences the way this couple (of friends!) is mistakenly being perceived.

But it’s not just one writer, it’s a whole bunch who have given us some of the most meaningful fodder for the shipping of Buddie, including people with the most power over the shaping of this show. So it’s not one subversive writer’s vision or the misinterpretation of their writing that fans are picking up on. Whatever the show is doing with Buddie, it’s done through a shared vision of who Buck and Eddie are to each other, a vision shared by multiple writers and the show itself. 

Which means one way or another, the show has to choose. Either it will acknowledge what it’s been doing with Buddie, that it’s been consistent and present from the start and not just a figment of fans’ imagination, nor a kind gesture to their enthusiasm... either that, or this whole thing can qualify as queerbaiting if Buddie never become canon (even if the queerbaiting was not originally done intentionally, past a certain point where the showrunners are aware of fandom and its interpretation of the pair, if it keeps going in the same way or even crank up the volume, it can’t claim lack of intention anymore. Since the Elf Lady scene in episode 210 is explicitly a nod to fandom, I’d say anything after that can clearly be understood to have been done with full intent). 

Because shows don’t accidentally, yet consistently and across the board with different writers, provide so much romantic subtext for a couple if there is zero intent behind it. ‘Intent’ can mean a lot of things, plus a lot of things can happen to ‘intent’, even changing it with time and as a reaction to the fans, but when you look at threads like the ones I’ve shared, you can clearly see that some sort of intent on the part of the people crafting this show had to be there (in my personal opinion from the very beginning, but at the very least since 210). There’s very little doubt about it. So I continue to hope that the show is choosing the brave route and that it will eventually give us Buddie as a long and developed slow burn, which would show a willingness to invest in them as a couple. Or that even if it didn’t mean to go down this path originally, it is willing to do so now, in acknowledgement of everything the fans and the queer community had picked up on and deserve to see explored explicitly on screen.


End file.
